with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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