Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
