I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
