WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
