Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just want nice things and good sex
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
