Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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