So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
