is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
