the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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