why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
soo... how was my night?
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