Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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