My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
What drink are we having for lunch?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
