Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize