I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
