You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Randomize
