i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
tonight lets celebrate not being married
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
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