I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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