I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
