So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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