Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
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there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
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He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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