My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
