I just saw a hot homeless man
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
