I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
