she was so not down for the gang bang
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
