she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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