the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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