I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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