Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
