bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
