I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
