Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
