Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
