you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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