Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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