Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
