Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
