Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
