Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
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I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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