I will die if light touches me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
