It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
