Your tits are I can't wait for
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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