i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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