I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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