I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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