I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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