i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
