I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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