I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
