Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
