The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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