i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Still dying that you shit outside
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
