Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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