just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize