Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Randomize
