Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
