We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We need to get me chipped asap
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My orgasm happened in two different decades
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
