Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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