I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
