pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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