he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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