a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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