He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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