All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
